Picture yourself in August. The kids have just gone back to school and you are dreading the end to summer. You walk through your local supercenter and notice a red hue coloring everything coming from near the gardening department. For a moment, you’re confused. Then, you see it. The inflatable Santa Claus. Christmas stuff out in August? Each year it seems to get earlier and earlier. This year, the store employees do not even get to enjoy a full Thanksgiving day with their families. Popular stores are opening for a window of time at 8 a.m. Thanksgiving morning, at 5 p.m. Thanksgiving evening, and then “door-busters” at 11 p.m.
A quote meant to be humorous has been floating around the internet as of late. It says something like “Nowhere other than America do people set aside a day to reflect on all their blessings and then stomp others to death the next day trying to get more stuff.” Take a minute and think about it. The very day after we are supposed to sit back and enjoy the things we have, be thankful, and content, we rush out to buy more things we really don’t need. We spend thousands of dollars a year trying to be better, skinnier, healthier, happier, prettier, buffer. It’s a human condition to never be satisfied. A human condition that is fueled by the millions-scratch that-billions of dollars spent every year to market products to our families. These marketing ploys try to sell us on the idea that buying their product will make us better, happier, healthier, prettier, stronger, more desirable, and improve our lives. Sometimes the marketing tells the truth. Our innate desire is to have more, be more, get more-that drive is what causes discontent and the marketing companies know if we’re discontent, we’re willing to spend money to try to fix it. More so than not, however, marketing touts more spin than honesty about their products.
The problem is we buy into the spin. How many of you have tried fad diets and lost weight, only to gain it back later? Bought that fitness program or exercise machine promising yourself you’ll use it, only to use it as a clothes rack after two months? Searched for satisfaction inside a burger wrapper or milkshake cup, only to still be hungry and out five bucks? Booked a vacation to that exotic location hoping it would help you finally learn how to relax, only to go back to work and find piles of things you need to catch up on?
We buy into the spin because we truly want to be better, happier, healthier, prettier, stronger, and more desirable. We are rarely ever truly satisfied. In part, this is okay. We need to strive to be better. No one ever “arrives.” But, if we continually play the comparison game, thinking if we can keep up with the Jones’ our lives will finally be complete, we will end up feeling like hamsters on a wheel-it will never end. It has been said that comparing ourselves to someone else is taking what we see as the best of them and comparing it to what we feel is the worst in us. It doesn’t make much sense when you think about it, but we all fall prey to it.
So, how do we avoid that trap, especially as the holiday season approaches?
- Remember the people to whom we are comparing ourselves often have a different perspective. The popular kids in high school often had their own struggles we never knew about. It’s true as we grow older. We can look at the people who have bigger houses, fancier cars, better clothes, more money, or a more prestigious job and think they have it all together. Odds are, on the inside, they have the same insecurities we do.
- Remember the true reason for the seasons. Thanksgiving is to give thanks. It’s hard to truly give thanks when we are wishing we had someone else’s stuff. Christmas, whether you’re a Christian or not, is about giving. God gave His son for us and we give gifts out of thankfulness to symbolize the greatest gift. It’s hard to focus on giving when you’re so busy trying to get.
- Be thankful. Look around you and give thanks for what you have. There are few people reading this who do not have heat, clean water, food, and clothes to wear. Those things are so often taken for granted in our society.
- Think about the difference between needs and wants. We often say we need ________________, when really we don’t need it, we want it. Odds are there are very few needs we have that go unmet.
- Before you buy, ask yourself if it will really fill a need. If you’re tempted to buy something to address a feeling in your life (dissatisfied with your weight, marriage, job, life in general), ask yourself if it will really work or if it will get listed on eBay or Craigslist after a short time. Ask yourself why you’re really buying it.
- Give to someone else. If you’re struggling in this area of feeling like you don’t measure up, find someone in need and sacrifice in order to meet that person’s needs. There is nothing more sobering than to hear of someone who has it so much harder than us right in our own backyards. The U.S. is full of these folks. We just have to look to find them.
- If you’re discontented, look at the real reasons. We’ve all bought in to marketing’s spin on products and many of us have been disappointed we weren’t truly changed after buying and utilizing a product. Why? It should have done the trick, right? There is an underlying reason to our discontent. If you need help figuring out the reason, you may want to consult a professional counselor and do some self-exploration. A few counseling sessions may be able to help you focus your efforts and attention in a more positive direction.
- Be kind. If you venture out on Black Friday (or before), treat people the way you want to be treated. It may mean you miss out on grabbing that last brand new Wii on the shelf and other people may not be as kind, but you’ll be able to walk away with a personal sense of decency that won’t fad after the newness of that gift wears off.
- Shop online. Afraid you won’t be able to bite your tongue or thrown an elbow on Black Friday? Don’t even put yourself in the tempting situation. Spend a few extra dollars by not “busting doors” and make an investment in your own personal sense of civility. You really can’t put a price tag on that feeling!
- Put your focus in the right place. You have to base your self-worth on something that lasts. Not relationships, not your bank account, not your shape, size, or style. All those things can change in an instant. You need to find your motivation and value in something that’s not temporal. For many people this is their faith in God. By identifying and anchoring yourself to something that will not change, you will have support and strength when everything else is changing around you.
Photo Credit: Photo by tshein on flickr
