Mom Guilt - Do You Have It

Mom jeans. Soccer mom. There are some things in life distinct to mothers. Here's another one to consider: mom-guilt. Guilt can be such a powerful emotion that learning how to work through those feelings with one of our family counselors could be a valuable exercise.

Many  moms experience mom-guilt at least once. It can be induced over anything-being  two minutes late to pick your child up from school, your house not being clean enough, or raising your voice more than you "should."

Mom -guilt can be heaped on by others. Ever gotten "the look" from the disapproving woman in the store when your precious darling is screaming for the candy bar? However, a mom is often her own worst enemy. We can amass our own mountains of mom-guilt.

The biggest load of mom-guilt can come when you have to sift through choices regarding decisions about your child's education. We have to decide if we want to send them to a public school and, if so, which one is the "right one." If we aren't satisfied with the public school offerings, we have to consider private school and the whole struggle over how to pay for that option begins. (Guilt can even come when you comparison shop-do you want to pick the cheapest option or does paying top dollar guarantee that you child will get the best education?) Then, many consider the option of homeschooling. Mom-guilt can arise if you feel you don't have what it takes-in patience or in intelligence. Regardless of the decision, mom-guilt can exist no matter how hard we try to assure ourselves we've made the right decision. At some point we have to make a decision and face the mom-guilt head-on.

That issue isn't the only issue that will force you to navigate the minefield of mom-guilt. If you take your parenting job seriously, you'll never completely avoid those feelings, but you can learn to traverse the terrain. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. You won't be perfect. Every parent makes mistakes. The key is to own it, pick yourself up, and avoid that path again in the future. Don't beat yourself up. Many mistakes you make won't scar your kids for life.
2. Look at the facts. Much mom-guilt is based on outrageous expectations and irrational thinking. Are you following logic and doing your best to make educated decisions? Do your kids know you love them?  If you can answer yes, you may be dealing with false guilt and need to cut yourself some slack.
3. Pay attention to the guilt. Guilt is something that can signal us that we need to do some soul-searching. We need to examine what we're doing. If there is something you cannot reconcile, the guilt is a warning and we'd better pay attention.

We want to do the best for our kids and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't be crippled by mom-guilt. Give yourself some breathing room and use your energy to shop somewhere they don't sell mom jeans.